The art of journaling was introduced to me by my paternal grandmother ‘Aai’ (who I grew up with) during my early school days. Since my birthday falls on the 9th of January, every year she would give me a diary as a gift a few days earlier so that I wouldn’t miss the first few days of the new year to write in. I used to own a ‘diary’ for almost 6 to 7 years till for some reason it reduced and then stopped. I used to wonder if I would ever get back at writing one again until I was made to write one as an assignment for this particular class of Organizational behaviour.
Initially it was difficult writing again as I had no idea of what all to write. I thought that maybe I will write just the highlights of the day in bullet points so that it will become easy to review at a later date – just like an actual assignment. Thankfully, I did not follow that pattern.
I started writing a journal again from the 25th of May, 2019 and have tried to be regular at it. Reading back, I can see that my initial few inputs were somethings that were either full of complaints or things that I did not say out loud. I wrote about the weather being gloomy that would affect my day or things not working out or the things that people did or said that would upset me. There were a lot of things that I had to do the next day, just like a to – do list that I would end up half doing. The things or the people I would get angry on for the smallest reasons. Whether shifting to Canada was a good idea, the things and people I left behind. I realized that my behaviour during these times would not mirror my thoughts. But while writing them, I would nail them. I overthink for no good reason.
In between, after a few days, I switched from writing in my google account to writing in a notebook. My handwriting has become horrible and I have lost practice of sitting in one place and putting pen to paper. Spellings – that a complete toss!
The past few days, I have also written about the places I visited or the people I went out with – in a happy manner which made me realize that maybe I should focus on the better days as well instead of just muling over stupid things. I have also realized that I waste a lot of time doing nothing or watching series, reading mangas while I could be doing meaningful things. Not that watching series or wasting time is bad or a wrong thing – it is needed at times, but I would like to get back to old hobbies and explore more options as well.
I have realized that writing my thoughts on paper is a great form of releasing stress as I am able to freely put down things that I would otherwise not show on my face or say out loud. Since I know that this is private, I have started all over again to become my own best friend. I don’t have to be polite, I don’t have to think twice before I write (unlike speaking to others), I can hate something or someone one minute and then fall in love with them in the same sentence. My diary gives me freedom to be silly, to act like a child or an old woman, to keep cribbing, to be a racist, a feminist, a sexist , be stupid among other things without it judging me one bit.
This is an activity that I want to convert into making it a daily habit where it comes naturally to me and becomes a part of the day like brushing teeth or having a cup of tea without putting an alarm for it.